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Love Magazine

Denying Pleasure: The Hows and Why of Male Orgasm Denial

When people think of withholding anything related to sex, they think immediately of tantric sex practices.

Sexy dominatrix playing with her male partner
There is a dominant and submissive element to male orgasm denial

But male orgasm denial is not at all like tantric sex. It doesn't focus on breath nor is there a spiritual or transcendental aspect to it.

In fact, male orgasm denial is singularly interesting for one reason and one reason only: it produces far more pleasure when you can finally come if you've been halted right at the brink of coming several times.

The brain is flooded with counterprodutive signals and the pleasure and pain aspect related to male orgasm denial trigger a release of endorphins and dopamine. These are pleasure-producing neuropeptides that are produced within the pituitary gland, spreading pleasure throughout the body.

Hey, women have multiple orgasms, and that's pretty great, right? Well, consider the male orgasm denial a nice little gift just for guys. Except that, like anything worth, you've got to work for it. Let's get started.

What is orgasm denial?

Male orgasm denial can include a variety of aspects that you withhold on (and we'll discuss them all in a minute). But what's most common is that it's a form of sexual gasification and gratification stemming from abstinence.

In other words, whether you hold off entirely or you actually have sex, get into the act and deny coming at the last minute, the point is to delay gratification for as long as possible.

Gamification is specifically for those who like to involve an element of kink, use toys or even just tease their partner in a dom/sub type of situation.

When you deny an orgasm, for men, it can be a hard thing to control and a learned behaviour that needs to be practiced. Male orgasm denial is also something that often follows patterns of power relations in sex so, to that end, you can practice with your partner to have the male come on demand.

Partners who do engage in male orgasm denial have double the fun: though it's frustrating while you're in the moment, it's also wildly pleasurable (in an infuriating sort of way). And when you're finally allowed to release all that pent up "stuff"?

Well, actions speak louder than words. And guys come harder than not.

Woman on top controlling her man's orgasm
You can practice with your partner to have the male come on demand

Types of Orgasm Denial

There are a few ways orgasm denial goes down:

There's the "complete denial", which is exactly what it sounds like (and probably why male orgasm denial gets mistaken for tantric sex).

Complete denial of male orgasm means no stimulation and no sexual friction. Men can go for days being teased through another's actions, words or even intentions and outfits to suggest sex without actually engaging in it or even touching.

This requires incredible restraint on both pattern's end: the one who is being denied has sexual frustration slowly building up and the one who is denying can see this build up, equally as torturous when they immerse themselves into the tease.

Then, there's the tease and denial technique, which allows for physical stimulation but only to a point. It doesn't usually involve sex but definitely involves foreplay, touching, and kissing. It can or can't include oral but there's a more physical element to turning him own.

The "denial" here comes at a very arbitrary point, not necessarily to the point of climax but simply without warning. This is what makes it so delicious.

"Edging" is a practice that's commonly practiced, even without the intention of male orgasm denial. But it can become a more conscious part of your sexual arsenal if you can involve sexual gaming.

It's essentially the next step after "tease and denial": edging obviously involves actual sexual intercourse. You have to get to the climax, get to the edge and back off.

This is perhaps the hardest and trickiest state to "achieve". It requires actual control and experience in knowing when you've reached your limit and the metal as well as physical control to pull back. Reaching this will require you to make male orgasm denial a practice in your sexual play.

Many men who do love to "edge" are not necessarily kinksters: they also just really love going all night or at least for longer periods of time. And edging really allows you to extend your sexual encounters.

Last, but certainly not least, there's the "ruined" orgasm. Now, this certainly has the most prominent elements of BDSM.

During a"ruined" orgasm, the male who is "denying" is actually being denied: by his partner, and usually it's midway through their orgasm.

This means they can arrive at the edge, go over, choose to come and then get interrupted, feeling not as much pleasure as they might have. However, this also builds up greater frustration for the next go 'round.

Why Incorporate Orgasm Denial?

Benefits for him

For the male partner who is actively denying orgasm, the pleasures are manifold and occur at various stages of a sexual encounter. Whether it's a sex friend or a more monogamous partner, males in the encounter first have to control their orgasm.

The sexual act is thus intensified. Once they've had their orgasm denied and interrupted, the ascent back up from foreplay begins and once they make it back on to the edge, the pressure to release comes back - with a passionate vengeance, so to speak.

Because they're the ones being denied, this also entails some level of sexual tease using toys, whips and sexual games, making the process of arriving at climax that much more scintillating.

Benefits for the partner

Besides the pleasure of controlling your man's orgasm - well, that sense of domineering and personal, sexual power is pretty gratifying - there's also the fact that seeing your partner derive pleasure from it heightens sexual frisson and tension, which can heighten your own orgasm

Even women looking for men in casual situationships say that male orgasm denial is one of the best ways to make a sexual encounter a truly memorable one.

It can revive your sex life, not just "spice it up"

It's not just about how much you masturbate and whether you keep those sailors at home, releasing them only once in a while, if you know what we mean.

Delaying gratification also means extending the period of foreplay. If you think about it, pulling back from the edge means restarting the process, intensifying the final moment of release.

Even better than that, because male orgasm denial involves some level of play, teasing, coercion and interaction between both partners, it can create and strengthen a bond, refresh sexual excitement and help partners connect better.

Dominant woman teasing her partner
Male orgasm denial can help partners connect better

Tips for (Safe) Sexy Session

Try it solo first

If you're concerned about trying it out with a partner, or you simply aren't sure of your boundaries yet, try it out the first couple of times on your own.

During masturbation, see if you can get yourself to an "edge" and then head back. Slow down, breathe and gear up again. This will allow you to understand your body's telltale signs and, also, how to reel yourself back in.

Be warned, however, that, with a partner, these effects and the experience of orgasm denial can be intensified tenfold so don't expect it to map perfectly.

Talk it out

Make sure that, before you get started with male orgasm denial, both of you should talk it out. The dynamics of male orgasm denial should be discussed between the two of you: why do you both want to engage in it and what will happen if one partner needs "relief"?

Pain is par for the course so think about using a safe word

Especially if you and your partner are new to male orgasm denial, it can be a really intense practice that, for some people, can cause some discomfort, stretching to pain.

Remember the term "blue balls"? Well that idea comes from the sensation a male feels if he's denied orgasm. Yet, it's not unhealthy and it's certainly not painful, per se. Just frustrating.

However, holding back an orgasm, for some men, especially when they're right on the brink - or if their partner ends up "ruining" their orgasm as a form of orgasm denial - can experience pain.

If you think that you can't hold back without experiencing pain, have a safe word, or a safe "gesture" on hand and then release yourself. You partner will understand.

Kink not necessary

Many couples stay away from male orgasm denial or indulge in it with a raised and wary brow because they're not sure if they're really into kink.

Kinky woman holding a mouth gag in front of her partner
You don't need to include kink to enjoy male orgasm denial

Yes, there is a dominant and submissive element to male orgasm denial. But that's true only tot he extent that you want to incorporate power dynamics in your sexual exploration and how far you want to go.

Kink is not just about sex toys, pleasure and pain or ordering someone to come on demand (or having them withhold it for your pleasure).

In other words, you don't need to include kink to enjoy male orgasm denial.

Milk it for all its worth

While orgasm denial is incredibly pleasurable, it comes with its set of risks - most specifically, to the prostate. The prostate fluid that gets built up can pose significant health risks for males.

Usually, ejaculate includes this fluid but if you're stalling him coming, make sure that, at least at the end of the night, no matter how many times an orgasm has been edged, ruined or stalled, he's finally allowed to come and release that fluid.

Toys to distract, games to intensify

You don't have to go overboard with the "toys". If the both of you don't really like or identify with BDSM practices, that's fine. Don't let yourself get too hung up about it.

The range of toys you can use and the variety of ways you can use them can provide a useful distraction. This can be part of the "ruined" orgasm denial or the "tease and denial" technique. So think about using an assortment of plugs, whips, clamps, or even simply vibes, feathers and a mouth gag to distract them from the impending orgasmic wave.

You can also choose to use a combination of "games" to up the ante, so the speak. For example, use a coin toss or rolls of the dice to determine what light "punishment" one partner can put on the other, in order to intensify the experience of sex.

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