There’s something undeniably sexy about women who don’t flaunt their bodies and who prefer to hide their beauty away, rather than putting it on display. Bookworms, computer nerds, shrinking violets – they are all incredibly sexy in their own ways.
But if you’re the kind of guy who goes for girls like that, you’ll know the problem: hooking up with and dating shy girls isn’t easy. They don’t always show their feelings or respond to normal flirtation, even when they are keen. This guide explains how to hook and satisfy even the most retiring shy girls.
If you’ve set your heart on finding a sensitive, bookish babe with brains and a poetic soul, where on earth do you start looking? Bars and clubs are probably out of the question. How about spending a few hours every week visiting your neighborhood’s book shops?
You’re sure to find hot girls browsing the Adrienne Rich poetry section, or fumbling the works of Toni Morrison, and it’s a great chance to show off your literary tastes as well. But failing that, give gigs a try. Indie music attracts plenty of sexy shy girls who are turned off by crowds, and they may well be desperately looking for guys to share their passions.
Another thing to bear in mind relates to you as the man: have you actually diagnosed the problem correctly?
Is she actually introverted and closed off, or is your girlfriend just a confident, self-sufficient person who doesn’t need to show off or shout, and who is sure about their place in the world?
The difference might not always be easy to discern, but it’s there. Being “quiet” isn’t the same as being “shy”, and getting the difference wrong could cause a hell of an argument with your partner if you broach the subject poorly.
When you are dating shy people, it’s rarely a good idea to try to force them out into the social whirl. If they aren’t by nature gregarious party animals, inviting them to bars where there will be ten strangers waiting to meet them probably won’t be a success.
Here’s another thing about shy girls that most guys miss: they really need time to be alone, and it nourishes them – it doesn’t feed their shyness. They are sensitive people who value time to reflect, read, and dream, not the kind of people who define themselves in conversation. So give your shy partner time to be alone, and she will reward you.
After you’ve hooked your bookworm, let’s be clear about one thing. Some girls are reserved and shy for the first few dates, but ease up after a while and slip back into what you might call their natural personality.
It’s only natural for girls to be a little anxious about dating a new partner, particularly if they are really into them, so here’s the thing to remember: give shy girls time to relax and be themselves.
They may never become the life and soul of the party, but who needs that anyway?... After a while, they may well open up to you, as their partner, and you’ll get on fine.
OK, now we get to the really important part. Sometimes guys make a horrific error when dating shy girls. Because their partner is the retiring type, and doesn’t always say what she wants, he assumes that translates into the bedroom.
So he assumes control, trying to “initiate” or “liberate” his girl, thinking that she hasn’t discovered how great sex can be. Don’t be that guy. Just because girls are shy doesn’t mean they are sexually inexperienced.
It’s actually often the other way around. Shy girls love being fucked like anyone else. They know what they want and, when you get into bed, they’ll let you know. But if you start bossing them around or making rash assumptions, you can kill the kinky atmosphere in seconds, so let your sex life unfold naturally, and take nothing for granted.
Here’s another thing about shy girls that guys are always getting wrong: they assume that, because shy girls appear serious and thoughtful, they are always looking for deep and meaningful long-term relationships.
Well, that’s true in some cases but, again, it’s often completely the reverse of reality. Many shy girls are just low-key, chilled out people who take life (and sex) as it comes, and aren’t desperate to impose themselves on men.
They can be the perfect partners for easy-going casual relationships where both partners are into each other, but don’t feel the need for commitment. That’s because they are happy to be alone. They don’t mind break-ups, and they don’t demand evidence of your loyalty.
Doesn’t that sound great?
When you meet introverted babes, picking the right date venue is a must. Bear in mind that she doesn’t know you well, and she’s wondering whether your personalities will be a good fit. She’s not going to respond well to loud music, in your face bars or formal settings like plush restaurants, where her every move will feel under scrutiny. No!
Shy girls tend to prefer relaxed settings where they can ease into relationships and focus on their date. Beaches, parks, quiet cafes, book stores, libraries, museums and galleries all tick the boxes and should kick things off in the right spirit.
The final piece of advice is crucial to making your relationship work. When you get really into an introverted girl, it’s natural to focus on her in every way. You want to make her happy, so you assume that she’ll want to stay in or do things as a couple.
However, don’t be too hasty. Shy girls can often be incredibly sociable and be great company at parties.
They just have to be the right kind of parties. Shy girls aren’t into parties that are jammed with people and bursting with noise; they prefer social gatherings where people talk and get to know each other – the kind of occasions where they can show off their brains and wit.
Never assume that your shy girlfriend is a social bust. Even if she doesn’t come out of her shell at the sports bar when your friends are watching football, she may well thrive in cafes and dinner parties, and she won’t appreciate being hidden away.