The dick pic has been a central element of human culture since the dawn of man. Since man could scrawl charcoal images of the mighty mastodons and sabretooths that stalked the prehistoric land around him.
He has also been scrawling proud images of his gargantuan member on the wall next to the big animals, all in the hopes of getting his nice cave-lady friend to do that thing with her hands and mouth that she learned from the French cave-lady two caves over.
There was also a time when the rituals and context around sending of a dick pic relied on unspoken rules. Of course, someone went too far and ruined it for everyone.
Now, we present a break down of good manners when it comes to penis pics.
A key initial faux pas to avoid is the 'out of the blue' dick pic. The architecture of the female bosom has an inherent, aesthetic charm that makes it almost universally a pleasure to behold irregardless of context.
Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the charm of the exposed penis requires at least a minimum amount of set up for it to fall into the positive column for a lady. This means that if you are planning to send a quick shot of your manhood, it is best if there is a least something kind of pre-existing relationship that could feasibly prompt the recipient to think 'Ah, a picture of his dick. This is not that out of the ordinary.'
There are varying levels involved here and some may be more inclined to take risks. This is usually proportional to personal satisfaction with one's own penis size and aesthetic.
So, to break it down:
Every heard the phrase 'You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear'?
Well, if you haven't, or if this farmyard wisdom was a little too cryptic for you to penetrate, it basically means you can't make things out to be something they are not.
Your penis is not a silk purse, and hey, that's okay. Silk purses are a pretty weird and effeminate thing to have any. I mean, who really carries a silk purse anymore? That's just crazy. But despite the non-silk purse nature of your penis, there is still nothing that says you can't make the best of things.
A little front garden grooming is never a bad decision before exposure to photographic photons and, subsequently, the girl of your choosing. It's not going to look like a work of art just because you shave it a little (well, a Picasso, maybe, kind of...) but it will look better.
Add a little humor by shaving artfully and making a smiley face. Hey, if a girl laughs at your dick pic, it should because it's meant to be funny, right!?
A couple of related notes.
Size matters in a dick pic, but extreme close up doesn't count as size.
Also, it makes your penis look a little like the bad guy from that Green Lantern movie.
No, not badly CGI'd. We mean like a bulbous mass intent on invading the planet.
And that's a hard look to pull off with any level of success.
Also, don't waste too much time looking for the perfect angle and lighting.
Well, you can, if you want... Still gonna look like a dick bro!
Now, the reality is that when this girl gets a photo of your junk, there is a solid chance she is going to share it with her friends in the good natured and not at all mocking way the may girls do. When she does, she's probably gonna mention your name.
It adds spice to the interaction and we all know that the fairer sex loves a bit spice. Ultimately, there ain't a whole pile you can do about this. What you can do is avoid placing your smiling mug into the frame as well. Let's just suppose things don't go well with this girl for whatever reason and she decides to post that stuff on the internet.
At the end of the day, as far as the world is concerned, one shot of a dick is much the same as another. But you stick a face in there giving a big thumbs up while the member in questions sports a little cowboy hat and testicle sized boots, and you've got an entirely different kind of situation.
That's the kind of shot that can get the viral world to sit up and take notice. That's the kind of shot that can end careers and ruin lives. It may also launch you to the ranks of superstardom, but that's a longshot so do you really want to take that risk? Maybe you do. If so, then props bro.
What we've given you here is a step by step program that will lead to a life of dick piccing that is both rewarding and fulfilling for all parties involved. Apply the logic that is gifted to you here and you will avoid responding text messages filled with more exclamation marks than letters, the possibility of a local news-level scandal and the heinous crime of missed blowjob opportunities.
Because at the end of the day, dick pics can work. Otherwise they would have died out, like the dinosaurs, 8-tracks and Wyclef Jean (actually, he might still be going but who cares). The last word of advice we'll give you is to follow your common sense and gut instinct.
If you think a dick pic is warranted, or even desired, go for it. The worst that can happen is that there is one more shot of somebody's junk out there, stored in some random corner of a pretty girl's smartphone hard-drive.
And..., at the end the day, how can that be a bad thing? As Barry Manilow famously said, 'What the world needs now, is more dick pics'.