Some people are naturally dominant in the bedroom, and others have to work at it. There are even some people that can effortlessly slip between both types of personality at will. If you’re someone who finds playing a dominant role in the bedroom difficult, there are several things you can do to make the switch easier.
With the right attitude and an open mind, you can become a sexual predator who takes charge of events in the bedroom.
If being sexually dominant doesn’t come natural to you, the transition won’t happen overnight. Instead, you will need to make small changes to your sexual activities and attitudes over a period of time. You can start to make subtle changes to your behaviour in the bedroom right away.
These changes might include being the one who initiates a kiss or sexual contact. Try kissing your partner’s ear, or be the person who starts the process of undressing. These small changes to the dynamics in your relationship can combine over time to become something far bigger.
Remember: Even the smallest of changes to your behaviour in the bedroom will build your confidence. Try to be more adventurous, and work at being the person in the relationship who suggest new experiences, positions and role-plays.
Once you have developed your confidence by taking control of certain situations in the bedroom, it’s time to turn things up a notch. Outside the bedroom, be more assertive in your statements. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to do things for you. And when you have built up your confidence sufficiently, turn questions into commands. This may involve something as simple as requesting a back rub. On the face of it, this question doesn’t mean a great deal — but it lays the foundations for increased domination in the bedroom.
Pro Tip: You don’t need to instigate sexual acts in order to build your confidence as the dominant one in the bedroom. For instance, if you’re about to receive oral sex, push your partner’s head down to speed up the process. This is a subtle way of telling your partner that you’re in control of the situation.
Once you have felt what it is like to dominate your partner — both in and out of the bedroom — it’s time to hone in on your favoured type of domination. There will be certain things that you both feel comfortable with, and others you won’t.
This is your chance to experiment with different characters, role play and bedroom scenarios.
And the best thing? You and your partner have a fantastic time exploring one another’s’ wildest fantasies while you work out what you want in the bedroom.
You may discover that you want to be dominant during bondage sessions. This involves the act of physically restraining your partner. You can use a selection of ropes, handcuffs and restraints to exert your power over your partner. You will need to try bondage a few times before you’ll know whether it offers the opportunities to dominate you’re comfortable with.
There are other scenarios that require one person to be submissive and the other dominant. For instance, discipline is all about punishment and reward. Rather than physical restraints, mental mechanisms are used to solicit certain behaviours.
You might be wondering how this could possibly work in a loving relationship. Well, it’s all part of a game. For example: for doing as you say, you can reward your partner with certain sexual acts. Sadism is linked to discipline, and it involves taking pleasure out of the discomfort of your partner. This can relate to physical pain or being placed in a situation that is the cause of embarrassment and humiliation.
Pro Tip: Sadism, discipline and bondage are all part of the BDSM experience. All three forms of domination and submission can work in tandem with one another, so experiment with different role-playing scenarios until you’ve worked out how to enjoy them all at the same time.
Many people hold ambitions of being the dominant force in the bedroom, but for many, this involves being placed out of their natural comfort zone. Transitioning from a natural submissive to a dom will involve lots of awkwardness on your part, so be ready for it. In fact, these feelings can be used in many of your role-playing scenarios.
Before you start to make the switch from submission to dominance, it is vital that you sit down with your partner to discuss it. If you simply go ahead and start changing significant aspects of your personality, this may create a level of mistrust and suspicion between you both.
This switch may be uncomfortable for the naturally dominant one in the relationship too, so it’s important to be open and honest about your feelings. At first, these significant changes to your sex life might be the cause of friction. But if your relationship is strong enough, there’s nothing you both can’t achieve by working together.
Domination in the bedroom is a highly subjective issue. What is unacceptable for one person might be the norm for another. You need to work out exactly what level of domination you’re comfortable with. Similarly, your partner needs to be comfortable with what you decide on.
But you don’t need to get involved in pain, whips and chains in order to enjoy dominating your partner. While the exploits written about in 50 Shades of Grey work for many people, they are way over the top for others.
For you, domination might mean you choosing the sexual positions in the bedroom. Domination can be something as simple as saying when and how sex happens. The trick is to reach a consensus about what this area of your sex life should look like.
If it’s whips and chains, that’s fine, as long as you both know the limits. However, if domination means something far more subtle, that’s fine too.
Whether you become dominant in a physical or mental sense, changing your natural behaviours will not be easy. But if you have a loving partner, and you’re both prepared to work at things, there’s no reason why the sexual balance of power in your relationship can’t be reversed.