People often think of erotica as something disreputable, immoral and unhealthy, but those kind of people just don't have a clue about how our minds work. In reality, we are always telling ourselves kinky stories about what turns us on, and how we would like to have sex, and that applies to both parties in any relationship.
Erotic stories and watching porn can actually be a great way to stimulate each other and achieve sexually fulfilling relations, so don't relegate them to the margins. Here's how to make telling sexy stories a key part of a fantastic sex life with your partner.
The most obvious benefit of reading erotic stories to each other or watching porn stars in action is that they are a source of sexual inspiration. There's a reason why erotic fiction writers earn so much money and why certain porn stars and directors are so in demand.
They know sexual tricks, positions and techniques that ordinary people may never dream of. When they turn them into stories or films, people like us can take inspiration and find new ways to satisfy each other, and there's nothing sordid about that. It's just a great way to expand your sexual imagination.
Another major benefit of watching porn is that it turns on both men and women. Don't fall into the trap of assuming that porn is a guy thing. That's nonsense. Women have the same susceptibility to watching sexual experts in action, and it primes them for real-life sex in the same way that it turns on guys.
Studies have found again and again that women are into erotica. It might not involve exactly the same narratives as the kind consumed by guys, but there is plenty of shared territory that both partners can enjoy, and use to their advantage.
If you want to use erotic fiction or porn to stimulate a shared passion, here's one key thing to remember: what turns on men isn't always the same thing that turns on women.
If you are a guy and you want to suggest reading erotic fiction, think about reading something more sensual, slow-burning and sophisticated. For women, arousal by videos or texts is more about subtlety and emotional dynamics - not just simple physical passion.
And here's the weird thing: as a guy, you'll probably find that slower-paced porn turns you on more as well, particularly when the experience is shared.
One great reason to start reading erotica to each other is that it breaks through the artificial barriers that all couples put up between them. Even the most passionate relationships have blocks that are hard to get over. Partners develop hang-ups or fetishes that their lovers might not share.
By reading erotic stories themed around these hang-ups, couples can bring any issues out into the open, break the ice and start to include them in their everyday sexual life. It's often easier to read a sexy story than to have a deep and frank conversation, specially when it is just the hook up of the night.
This might sound shocking: porn is here to stay, and if you find that your partner has a porn addiction, they aren't simply going to snap out of it if you confront them with your knowledge of their problem.
The challenge is to turn people who compulsively watch porn towards healthy intercourse with their lover. This doesn't mean going cold turkey. In fact, that could well be the worst thing you could suggest. Instead, it's better to watch porn together or read erotic fiction, lessening the crippling guilt that porn addicts feel, and arousing healthy sexual feelings with someone they love.
Whether you are working through a porn addiction with someone you love, or trying to kindle some fire in your relationship, the act of telling erotic stories is incredibly powerful.
But here's the thing many people fail to understand: this power isn't just about creating erections or stimulating devastating clitoral orgasms.
What is much more powerful is the ability of storytelling to work out issues that couples have. Stories can become the starting point for conversations about who they are, and what really, deeply turns them on. In everyday life, it's hard to start conversations like that, and sexy stories can be the perfect starting point.
Another profound aspect of erotic fiction is that it unlocks the erotic imagination. All of use have erotic potential that we never unlock. We all have sexual desires that we never act upon and fetishes that we never explore. But when these desires come up in stories, it can be the perfect time to say to your lover, "let's try that ourselves."
When you read a character trying something like an S&M roleplay or outdoor sex, you can become emboldened to try it for yourself. That's the beauty of fiction. It inspires, broadens the imagination and helps you to grow as an erotic individual.
One of the worst consequences of finding that your partner is a porn consumer is the suspicion that it engenders. If you know that he has been watching other women having sex, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, fear, guilt and pain, which can cripple your sex life.
But here's the encouraging thing: it doesn't have to be like that. By watching porn with him (or her) or reading some well written erotic fiction, you can start to bridge the gap that has opened between you and start trying some dirty talk with your partner.
We've talked about some serious issues like suspicion and estrangement, but for most people, reading erotica together is a lot more light-hearted. For centuries, couples have secretly shared stories about sex with nothing more than pleasure in mind.
Whether you both find sexy stories humorous, or you take inspiration from the imagination of the writers, reading erotica is incredibly enjoyable. Even if it seems odd at first, keep at it. In no time, you'll be sharing the jokes, thinking about emulating the sexual ideas and making a few erotic tales part of your daily sexual schedule.