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Decoding The Secrets of the Female Orgasm

For many people, the female orgasm is something that they know exists, but hardly ever appears. For others, it’s something that they think they see every night when they make love to their partner, but they could well be wrong. The truth is that achieving the female orgasm takes skill and time, and things aren’t always what they seem in the bedroom. Sometimes women are transported to a state of near ecstasy. Every muscle in their bodies clings to their lover, their breaths become faster and deeper, their voice cries out, the world becomes far, far away... At other times, despite the physical side of sex being exactly the same, the spark isn’t there and everything falls apart. So what’s the mystery, and how can we ensure that women experience orgasm as often as possible?

sensual woman in bed

An Enigma that Guys Struggle to Understand

It’s no shame to admit it – men usually have a clue about what the female orgasm is or how to stimulate it, but we know some of the classic differences between a man’s experience and that of women. For one thing, there’s the phenomenon of multiple orgasms, something that guys could never experience. There’s also the rhythm of the female orgasm. Instead of arriving on cue like a male orgasm, women take time to approach climax. Things happen in pulses, at a pace that fits the biology of the female partner. It’s all very mysterious to the man. The female orgasm also often seems more like a religious experience than a quick burst of pleasure. It approaches slowly, then quickly, drifts away again and then returns with incredible intensity. It’s nothing like the uncomplicated nature of the male orgasm.

What Exactly Happens During an Orgasm?

woman having an orgasmResearchers have undertaken detailed studies of what happens inside the human brain when it experiences climax and, as it turns out, the brains of men and women appear very similar. An area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens is intensely stimulated as orgasm nears, causing the release of a hormone called dopamine into the bloodstream. It’s this chemical that provokes such a deep, unforgettable sense of pleasure when you climax, and it’s so powerful that lab rats will prefer to stimulate their dopamine centres than to eat or drink. They would rather commit suicide than miss out. The differences between men and women lie in how the sexual organs are connected to the brain, not in the brain itself. Men have a single connection, which runs from the flesh of the penis to the brain. Women are much more complex. Instead of a single connection, they have four. One of these is the clitoris, located just inside the vaginal opening. This famous g-spot really is the key to setting her mind and body on fire during intercourse, but it’s not the only spark.

The Difference Between Vaginal and Clitoral Orgasms

There is an important distinction between clitoral stimulation and vaginal stimulation, and guys need to bear this in mind. For some women, penetration almost never leads to a satisfying orgasm, but they fine the opposite when their clitoris is stimulated. Sometimes, women never realise this or can’t summon up the courage to discuss it, so it’s worth talking about orgasm with your partner if you feel she isn’t having the time of her life. Vaginal orgasms are very different to their clitoral cousins. In fact, they may have a completely different cause. Modern researchers have found that some women can achieve vaginal climax even when the pudendal nerve (which connects their clitoris to their brain) has been severed. So there’s probably at least two different ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Women have also reported that vaginal and clitoral orgasms feel different, which to some guys takes some figuring out. While clitoral orgasms are centred around the clitoris and its surrounding tissue (not unlike the male orgasm and the penis), vaginal orgasms are deeper, more powerful and reach across their entire body. They have also been known to override pain, unlike clitoral orgasms.

Seeking Out Her G-Spot

Let’s assume that you want to discover the secret to bringing your lover to vaginal orgasm every time. How do you do it? The answer is that we can’t be sure, but science provides a few clues. Some sex researchers point to a mass of blood vessels in the front wall of the vagina, and suggest that by manipulating their pelvic muscles, women can use these to trigger an orgasm. This could be the proverbial “G-Spot” sought by men throughout the ages. Many people have poured cold water on the G-Spot theory, but there is some evidence to back it up. It seems that women who have less tissue between the wall of their vagina and their urethra can reach vaginal orgasm more easily. But that’s just a genetic fluke, and there’s nothing that guys can do to help if that is the case. However, things might not be so simple. Other scientists have taken a second look at the clitoris and found that it can be much larger than people had suspected. In fact, the clitoris can be as long as 9cm and reach well into the vagina. So the G-Spot could be intimately connected to the clitoris, and old-fashioned clitoral stimulation could be the key to achieving vaginal orgasm.

Size Really Does Matter

Scientists have also found that what we suspected all along is true – size really does matter when it comes to stimulating orgasm. But it’s not about penis size. It turns out that women with a larger clitoris find it easier to reach vaginal orgasm. If your partner has a small clitoris or one that is far away from her vaginal opening, you might want to stick to clitoral stimulation to maximise her chance of an orgasm. The truth is that we know more about the female orgasm than ever, but it remains a mystery. The best advice for guys that scientists can offer is to try everything. Experiment with penetrative sex to seek a vaginal orgasm. Try clitoral stimulation via masturbation or oral sex – and don’t be discouraged if sexual nirvana isn’t the instant result. Struggling to reach an earth shattering vaginal orgasm is quite normal, and it isn’t a reflection on either partner. It’s just a fact of life that sexual experimentation can work around.

woman holding on to her bedsheets

With that in mind, guys need to listen to their partner. They need to know what puts them in the mood to climax, and they need to be patient. Find a position that really hits the G-Spot as well. For some couples, the woman-on-top position works a treat and doggy style can be just as effective. Try, and try again, and soon you’ll be in a position to bring her to climax every time you make love.

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Image sourcesImage 1 - stefan_weisImage 2 - Simon BoothImage 3 - Volkovslava