Tantra derives from ancient Hindu beliefs in the eternal “web” connecting all beings. The main idea behind tantric sex is to join human beings within this web, by constructing a system of contrasts. In sexual terms, that means posing the masculine against the feminine, but it goes much deeper than that. To achieve the kind of intense fusion required by tantric philosophy, participants in tantric sex need to achieve a kind of mastery over their physical bodies. By meditating and exploring their sexuality, individuals can attain a level of enlightenment that allows them to bond with their partner and tap into their tantric energies.
The end result is (in theory) a unified orgasm of unrivalled intensity and pleasure, shared between both partners. Generally, this doesn’t occur in a short burst of sexual activity. Instead, tantric sex is famous for lasting for hours, as men and women approach, and then retreat from climax, every time ratcheting up the potential for sexual pleasure. But how can you apply the esoteric principles of tantric sex to your everyday sex life?
Although there are much more profound spiritual dimensions in tantric practices, the core sexual element is mastery over the sexual organs. A skilled tantric sex practitioner doesn’t seek to copulate in minutes. Their aim is purely to bond with their partner, who has the same intentions. Orgasm, when it comes, will be something that emerges from your mutual internal energies, as a product of your spiritual union, not simple sexual desire.
As you might expect, getting to this stage takes some practice. Our natural inclination (at least in western cultures) is to unleash our sexual urges as a stress relieving mechanism. We seek intercourse when our hormones build up, driving us into a state of erotic desire. Tantric experts would say that we need to tame those urges. By acting hastily at the prompting of our animal feelings, we are failing to tap into our true sexual potential. Instead, we should learn to approach orgasm and then draw back. In tantric sex, discipline is everything.
Tantric teachings see semen as more than just a fluid to contain sperm. In the tantric philosophy, semen is a carrier of spiritual energy. By reaching climax and retreating, men can allow the energy in their semen to pass into their bloodstream. When this is repeated again and again, the potential for an earth-shattering orgasm increases.
Tantric philosophy teaches that men have two kinds of orgasm, and this is important to know. The first kind is the most common in western societies. This orgasm releases energy “outward” in a flash of pleasure. It is seen as wasteful and far less intense than the alternative, an “inward” orgasm which harnesses the sexual energy of a partner and can take hours to achieve.
Things are slightly different with women. In the tantric view, women have three different kinds of orgasm, and all of them can be stimulated by skilful male tantric practitioners, with explosive results. As with the male orgasm, there are two levels of intensity. Vaginal or clitoral orgasms are produced by simple stimulation of the sexual organs. They can be short-lasting, and contrast with the “blended” orgasm – which takes place across the whole body. This blended orgasm is the holy grail of tantric sex, and requires repeated stimulation of the sexual organs. The core principle is to constantly stimulate the energies within the bodies of both participants. These energies flow throughout the body, not just in the penis and vagina – everywhere, including the brain. As such, tantric philosophy aims to create a higher state of consciousness, not just an extremely intense orgasm. In theory, it could be life changing.
If you plan to experiment with tantric sex, getting the environment right is crucial. Remember that you and your partner will be in it for the long haul, so include plenty of soft furnishings to relax upon. Many people also like to create an exotic atmosphere with new age music, mellow josticks or candles (preferably without an intense aroma). Artificial light is usually shunned. The idea is to create a subdued, intimate space where each partner can concentrate on achieving spiritual unity with the other.
A tantric sex session can also last for hours (ideally). This means that it’s a good idea to stash a glass of water somewhere nearby, or some energy boosting food. But don’t schedule a dinner break in between. Any break in the orgasmic process will ruin the spiritual climax and should be avoided. Cleanliness is also important, both on a practical level and spiritually. Indian tantric practitioners will always bathe before seeking spiritual orgasm, so why not share a bath or shower before you do the same?
Anyone who has read the Karma Sutra will know that Indian sexual philosophy prescribes a wide variety of sexual positions, but not all of them are suitable for length tantric sex sessions. One of the most famous, and most effective positions for a night of tantric pleasure is known as “yab-yum”. This position, a favourite of beat poets in the 1950s, involves the man taking a comfortable cross-legged sitting position. The female partner then sits on his lap with her legs spread around his body. There are alternatives to yab-yum if it makes you feel uncomfortable. One called the “hot seat” involves the man kneeling behind the woman. There are also plenty of table-top and even sofa-based positions, so don’t be afraid to experiment.
As discussed earlier, tantric sex is not designed to be over in five minutes. It’s an intense spiritual union, not a momentary sexual gratification. True tantric masters never embark upon a night of passion. Instead, they seek to bond with their partner, so that both can reach the heights of a tantric orgasm. If you want to emulate their mastery, it is vital to connect with your partner. Don’t focus on her breasts or body. Focus on her eyes, and take some time to create that connection before you commence physical intimacy. Both of you need to be in tune before having tantric sex. If one partner becomes too impatient, the whole process will collapse, leading to sexual disappointment.
When you are connected, the tantric massage can begin. Each partner must caress the other gently, across their entire body. With their face down, start with the head and place your fingers and palms on their skin before moving downwards, remembering to cover every erogenous zone as you go. Then do the same when they are lying on their back. Don’t rush this – it’s an essential preparation for what comes later.
After the massage, comes intercourse. Or, at least, it could. Remember that tantric sex isn’t always about orgasm. It’s about exchanging and intensifying sexual energies, and could result in a state of mutual bliss, rather than an intense orgasm. However, let’s face it, you’ll probably move onto sexual intercourse after the massage. When you do, take care to find comfortable positions and always try to maintain your connection via the eyes. Eye contact helps to keep both partners in tune, and keeps your rhythm in harmony.
After that, simply be patient and don’t rush. That’s the core principle of tantra on a practical level. Be patient, stay connected and let your spirits become one. You’ll be amazed by the results.
Image sources Image 1 Fotolia.com - Perseomedusa Image 2 Via Flickr | Jasmine Kaloudis | CC BY-ND 2.0 Image 3 Fotolia.com - Couperfield