If you imagine a list of essential life skills that guys don’t learn about in school, cunnilingus would be right at the top. Too often, men never learn how to give oral sex well, and they miss out on the pleasure that it can bring, both to women and guys. Not only that, but as anyone who has made the effort to master cunnilingus will tell you, it’s a skill that brings certain benefits when you do it properly.
However, if your sexual education is incomplete or you just don’t feel confident about going down on your partner, help is available. Here’s what the web’s oral sex experts have to offer when mastering oral sex. It could make all the difference to your sex life, so read carefully.
First off, some perspective is needed. Going down on your partner isn’t a magic bullet. It won’t turn her overnight into a sex-mad beast, and it might not be her thing in any case. So before you start, find out how she feels about oral sex. For some women, their genitals are a sensitive area, and they don’t actually enjoy oral sex. Others have a sense of discomfort about how their vagina looks, and aren’t keen to show it off.
Put her mind at rest by reassuring her about how you feel, and talk about any issues she might have. Tell her that she smells divine, and that her unique scent turns you on. Take things slow at first as well, just in case she isn’t in the mood. Don’t assume that, just because you are going down, it will automatically make her ready for sex. Things are never that simple.
The next piece of advice follows on naturally. Don’t rush! Cunnilingus isn’t something that you can sprint through on your way to sexual intercourse and a night of pleasure. It’s a sexual act in its own right that needs to be taken at the right pace.
Remember that many women find oral sex as satisfying, or even more so, than conventional sexual intercourse. They won’t want you to launch yourself into the act like a beast, and it could put them off completely. Try to really “get into” the act of oral sex, and put everything else out of your mind. Soon, your partner will signal that she is drifting into the kind of mood that you both want – ready for intimacy and pleasure. But it won’t happen in seconds.
It’s a mistake to see cunnilingus as foreplay. Actually, to do it right, you need to prepare her for the contact of your tongue on her clitoris. So get cosy, cuddle, kiss, touch and stroke each other as you normally would. Create an intimate atmosphere that sets her juices flowing, and make her ready to experience arousal the moment your tongue touches her. You could even try showering together beforehand, which may relax her (and you).
If you want to be a cunnilingus master, you’ll need to have oral stamina. Experts believe that women take 15 to 20 minutes on average to reach orgasm, so don’t become frustrated, and plan to keep going for a while.
Take up a comfortable position that you can maintain for 20 minutes at least. Lying down, stretched out on your stomach is a good position, and make sure that you are on a soft surface. You don’t want to have to shift position every two minutes, as this will interrupt the flow and could cause you to lose the clitoris.
Ask her to keep her legs relatively close together as well, not spread-eagled. That way, you can gently tilt your head to rest on her upper thigh, and angle your tongue properly from side to side for as long as you need to.
Now, move slowly but decisively towards the clitoris. Don’t go straight in. Instead, kiss around her pubic area and upper legs. Run your tongue over her labia, without opening it at all. You could even move away strategically, causing her to demand that you return.
The aim is to raise your partner to a passionate desire. Make her anticipate how it will feel to be brought to orgasm. Make her insist that you go further, one step at a time. That way, she can feel that she is directing things, but you are really in total control.
One of the secrets of good oral sex is to combine your fingers and your tongue. Use your fingers to spread her labia, opening up the clitoris and the sensitive tissue surrounding it. Don’t attack the clitoris in a frenzy of sexual passion. That’s not what it’s about. Instead, adopt a gentle, relaxed rhythm and use your finger to stroke the area above the clitoris every few seconds or so.
One of the mistakes that rookies make is to imagine that their goal is to “fuck” the vagina in a similar manner to intercourse. You don’t need to insert your tongue or fingers deep within the vagina to stimulate your partner. Instead, adopt a rhythm of licks across her clitoris and gently use your fingers to raise her arousal levels steadily. It’s not a sprint, it’s more of a dance.
Every woman is different – remember that. For some women, cunnilingus is most effective when the guy circles her clitoris with his tongue. Others prefer a kind of “sucking” motion. Some prefer manual stimulation, while others hate it.
You’ll need to experiment with every partner to work out what turns them on, and while you are going down, be attentive to how they are reacting. When you find the G spot and a technique that works, you’ve found a rhythm that works – so go for it!
The goal of cunnilingus is always the same, to create a powerful, irresistible orgasm that takes your partner into the heights of sexual pleasure. It’s not hard to tell when she is approaching orgasm, but there are some things that all guys can do to make that orgasm as memorable as possible.
Bring her legs together as she climaxes and tell yourself not to speed up. You’ll surely be aroused as well by her pleasure, but it’s a mistake to lose control. The rhythm has got you this far, and you should try to maintain it as long as you can. The last thing that you want to do at this point is to turn her off, so be careful.
This is where your mastery shows itself. Sometimes, you will know when you can withdraw – confident that she will demand that you continue. Other times, you will learn what rhythm and shape of motion to adopt. It all takes practice, but the result is a skill that will turn you into a bedroom magician.
Image sources Image 1 Fotolia.com - Piotr Marcinski Image 2 Flickr | Mislav Marohnić | CC BY-ND 2.0