How often have you been told that ‘two’s company, three’s a crowd’? Well, maybe in normal life it’s nice to have some time to yourself as a couple, but not necessarily in the bedroom. Where sex is concerned, more and more people are experimenting with unorthodox arrangements. Whether it's polyamorous relationships, swinging or group sex, anything goes these days, and people are not ashamed to give things a try. If you are thinking about organising a threesome, that’s great, but there are some things to think about before you go ahead. Adding an extra person into your sex life can have huge implications that are both good and bad. Here’s how to do it the right way, and turn your deepest fantasy into a sexy reality.
Whenever you add someone to your sex life, the key question is really, who? For some couples, strangers make the best bedfellows. They can’t bring themselves to sleep with a friend, who may or may not find the idea outrageous. Instead, they reach out to the wider swinging community via websites like Craigslist, Fetlife or Plenty of Fish. Some even use old-fashioned print classifieds in magazines. For some people, the idea of having sex with a stranger is exciting. They enjoy seeing how a completely new element changes the dynamic of their love-making, and the lack of familiarity jolts them out of their ordinary routine. So finding a stranger may work for some. But it doesn’t work for everyone. Many sex experts advise against finding a stranger. Not only do you run the risk of finding them sexually unattractive, their personality could ruin the atmosphere. They could be too dominant, and exclude one of the participants. In the worst cases, they could be actively dangerous, or have STDs.
If you are lucky, there will be someone in your life, but not to close to either of you. They’ll be attractive, single, reliable and liberal – the kind of person who will either say yes to your threesome idea or at least won’t tell everyone you proposed it. You’ll be surprised at how discreet people are about such things. You might be able to sound them out, either directly or via a friend. On a night out, you might start talking to your friends about group sex in a light-hearted manner. Often, someone will mention “x” who enjoys threesomes, which could be the lead that you need. When you talk to “x” you don’t need to be direct. Drop a reference to threesomes into your conversation by referencing a friend or a celebrity. If both partners are there, and your body language is right, they should get the hint. When you do make the proposal, make it as if there are no implications, and no worries if they decline. Don’t worry too much about embarrassment. The person you approach has probably had exactly the same thoughts in the past, and certainly won’t judge you if they have a history of enjoying threesomes. It’s normal these days, so there’s no need to fear.
Before you even propose a threesome to somebody else, both partners need to have an idea what they are looking for. Does the woman in the relationship get turned on by other women, or does she like the idea of sex with two guys at once? Does the man become aroused by the idea of his partner having oral sex with a woman? What kind of woman or guy are you looking for? Getting the dynamic right is at the heart of a satisfying threesome. That line about three being a crowd is spot on when it comes to group sex, if you get the dynamics wrong. You need to find a situation where all three participants arouse each other, and every part of the group can contribute their own erotic skills and abilities. It’s rarely sexy to have the guy sitting on his own watching, or for the woman to be frozen out as her partner has sex with a friend in front of her. There’s more to a good threesome than just having sex with someone else. If that was it, we’d be talking about swinging.
Some things always need to be dealt with before you start your threesome. For example, everyone should use protection. Condoms are a must, especially when a stranger or more distant friend is involved. You might also want to combine your night of pleasure with a good meal a few hours before. Set the right tone with candles, gourmet food and a few glasses of wine. Then, when you get to the bedroom, everyone will be loosened up and ready to explore. You might also want to have some water to hand beside the bed, so that everyone can hydrate when they need to. Remember, this isn’t just a ten minute quicky. This is a threesome, and if it goes well, it will last all night. If you intend to take photos or video during your threesome, this needs to be sorted out before you fuck. For many people, sex on camera is a taboo, and most people will be deeply offended if you whip out your camera phone and film them having sex with a stranger without at least asking. However, for many threesome fans, capturing the moment is perfectly natural, so don’t expect to be rebuffed.
Water, cameras, condoms – they are all vital ingredients for an all-night threesome romp, but the real pros know the value of serious sexual props. Of course, I’m talking about sex toys here. Sex toys have a really important role to play in threesomes. On one hand, they can make the whole experience more intense and pleasurable for women. When used skilfully, a dildo can give your partner sensations that they have never experienced. Another advantage of having toys to hand is that they can help to keep the action going during lulls between climaxes. You probably won’t keep going like a train all night long, and down-time is to be expected, so let sex toys take up the slack and keep female participants aroused as you get your strength back.
The mechanics of a threesome are a mystery to many, but they don’t have to be. The important thing is to be creative and comfortable at the same time. If you are going for a man and two women arrangement, the guy can lie on his back and give oral sex to one woman while the other does the same for him. Alternatively, the two girls can lie facing each other while they guy penetrates one doggystyle. Feel free to experiment and don’t expect to find the right position straight away. Life isn’t like the movies. It takes time to settle into the rhythm of the occasion, and everyone has different comfort zones and desires. Just relax, try out a few things and you’ll soon arrive at something that works for everybody.
Threesomes may seem intimidating at first, the kind of thing you fantasise about but can’t ever see yourself to actually participating in. But that’s not the case. These days, people are having threesomes everywhere. They’re probably at it on your street, or in your apartment building. Never assume that your kinky desires are weird or unusual. They aren’t. They’re just human. So don’t worry. Explore the world of threesomes and discover your sexual limits, but do it the right way and you’ll enjoy it even more.
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